The Dreamer

Hidden place to be myself.

2012-01-07T22:49:00.001-07:00

I never post so I figure this can be a good place to vent my feelings at the moment. Right now I'm feeling like I've been completely let down. I thought I had something in my life that was incredible and couldn't be touched. Well I was wrong once again. Apparently I'm not that lucky. Turns out I am just like everyone else in this world and I have to deal with disappointment. Tonight my disappointment is in myself. And in my partner but I'm trying to be the bigger person here and claim the responsibility for things going to crap. I am a dreamer. I am a planning, itinerary, organization loving freak! I like to speculate how things are going to turn out and I like to dream about my future home and life and accomplishment. Big and small. This is something that no guy I've ever dated has liked about me. I'm not trying to say that everything I want has to become a reality, but it will come into my life in some form or another. Let's say I want to have an all blue kitchen. I saw a picture of a kitchen in a magazine when I was like 14 and I LOVED this kitchen. I even cut it out and out it in a time capsule somewhere. At the time I probably didn't have any room for someone else's opinion on having a blue kitchen. Now having lived in a few places I realize having a completely blue kitchen would be a little bit dramatic and I've changed a lot of my ideas. What I'm trying to say is when I get an idea in my head it may seem at first that I set my ideas in stone. But I have learn a lot about compromise and that building something with someone is a lot more fun than doing it on your own. What do you do when the person you feel like you're supposed to love the most starts to make you feel like you're not good enough? unfortunately I know the answer to that question. I hope this ins't the case in this situation but I'm getting tired of apologizing for being myself. I'm a strong, stubborn, opinionated, controlling, moody, passionate, organization loving, planning obsessed dreamer! I love myself and everything about me. If you don't then beat it! and quit trying to change me or squash my dreams. I'm over it!

a new found fun thing to do!

2010-08-26T09:32:00.000-07:00

rabbit trails on blogs! one of my new favorite things to do. I just added a few of my favorite blogs from Janel's favorites over to mine. I love clicking on someone I love to read and look at and then picking a new one from their favorite list, and so on and so forth. I'm hoping by doing this and raving about it on Facebook to some of my friends I can spread this little joy. I know a lot of you already do this but hey! I've been on an Island for five years! I was not in the "loop" :) So to my Hawaii friends that I'm sending this out to I hope you are inspired to be creative as I know most of you already are and desire to be more! Love you!

And here are some things that my inspiring sister Janel has made. I hope to follow in her footsteps and get some of these skills to rub off on me :)

Apron making skills,

Cake pop making skills,

(if you'd like to know what cake pops are, well let me tell you! delicious balls of cake and frosting rolled into balls and covered with delicious chocolate and decorated to cuteness perfection!)

Cake decorating skills!

more cake decorating skills!

and yes Pie making skills! those are mini cherry pies on sticks! What the!

She also has rediculous amounts of other skills such as making gourmet popcorn, she does hair and she sings and loves her 5 kids to the ends of the earth! Man this blog has turned into how much I love my sister! haha, not hard to do though :) But once you log on to my blog you can check out her blog as well. See we're back to where we started, rabbit trails! So much fun, but make sure you've got a few minutes, or hours. :)

the count down

2010-08-21T17:37:00.000-07:00

So the count down begins, beginning with 19 days. Being that I'm less than a month and starting to ACTUALLY feel like I can't stand this anymore I figured I'm "allowed" to start counting down. Any sooner would have been too painful. I'm ready. done, stick a fork in me, DING! Janel and I went to a birthing class this morning and I was the farthest along out of everyone!!! I almost felt bad for the girls that were like 25 weeks. But I honestly can't believe how fast it all really has gone by.

So this is me between 16-20ish weeks. I was feeling like a cow! hahaha. But I was feeling the little flutterings and small moves. And I was going somewhere with this but I literally just forgot what I was about to write! I'm getting really tired of these brainfart moments. It was something about eating or being with friends. Obviously you can tell by the background I was in Hawaii. and I miss it and som many people so much. I'm waiting for some beachfront property to magically come into my life! i need to have some ocean!

I mean come on! don't you wanna see this in a bikini all the time! Especially now with my stretch marks and wide booty?! I know someone who wouldn't mind :) haha. I know I do have a little bump here but it's nothing compaired to now! I remember this day with Tara. it was one of my last weeks before I moved so I was always soaking up the sun. I can't believe what a slacker I've been on my tan this summer! I know I don't have a pool but Janel's neighbor said come over any time! I think during these last two weeks I'm really gonna try to take advantage of the pool.

This is at about 25 weeks I believe. I'm now living at Janels and getting a little bigger from all the delicious food we cook and all the parties Janel is CONSTANTLY planning and throwing for people. But i love having an excuse to eat all the goodies. I was kinda worried about getting diabetes but I'm all good, had my glucose test like three weeks ago and I'm good to go! But I'm sooooo greatful to be living at the Lamb's and I love having all my things put away and my cute things out that I've bought in Bali and Korea and I love having all my little memories out to see!

Janel and I did scrubs one day out at the pool and it was so nice to do a spa treatment and relax. And I'm getting a little bigger, around 30 weeks at this point.

And Janel did my hair all cute and light again for my shower, Love it! I think I'm 32 weeks here.

Katies Birthday party very fun! it's cool to know that Killian and little Jeeter will only be a month apart and hopefully we'll live a bit closer that San Tan Valley/Flagstaff. I'd prefer down the street. and that goes for everyone! we should all live down the street from eachother! I really want our old house back. If I could magically one day come into the money and Dana would no longer exist then maybe one day my dream will come true! haha.

For a fun little summer get away we went to Las Vegas and I actually got to see the Bellagio Fountains this time! Kinda missed them last time. or maybe didn't notice they were going off. :)

And here's the little one. I got an unltra sound at 8weeks in CO but I didn't look at it. I was too freaked out. Then my one from 16weeks was just too hard to see. I'm not good at seeing what's there I guess. But this one was around 35 weeks and you can clearly see his little hand here and I think to the left of that is a shot up his nose. I think! not sure. But the doc said he looks VERY well fed and healthy and brain and heart look good so I'm not planning on anything but a healthy baby boy to arrive in two weeks.

This is my favorite. I actually get a little glimpse. even though I think his nose looks smooshed against something. but I love his lips and little chin and chubby cheeks! He's gonna be adorable. Killian Jax DeRusha, ah, I can't wait to meet you. and you really need to hurry up cause I'm getting anxious! But I'm sure you'll be here soon enough. I'm not gonna rush you. I'm so excited to lay you on your little bed and put you in all your cute clothes and wash you and sing to you and be your mom. I can't believe that I'm actually gonna be a mom. It still hasn't totally registered I guess. But now that I've start this "count down" I had better get used to the idea. I really can't wait honestly, I think I'll be pretty darn good at it. I've had amazing examples to watch and learn from. I am so lucky to have wonderful women and men to seek advice and wisdom from no matter what. And I'm so thinkful for all the experiences in my life that had molded me into who I am today. I'm definitley a blessed daughter of God. And I'm glad I'm home.

Memories and Plans (some)

2010-07-14T15:42:00.000-07:00

I think I left off on the last blog with getting to AZ. I'm back in AZ now... happy, sad? happy, sad? I'm definitely more happy. Happier because I'm with family, who are all very cool people, interesting, eclectic, and inspiring. Sad because I do miss all my "second" family from Hawaii. My girls. Kaili, Tara L., Jen, Tara P., Kimmie, Maygan, Jenny, Janice, all my Spa Luana girls and Turtle Bay family. I do miss going into work at T-bay. Some times I just get sad remembering driving into work in my fun little car blasting Techno and dance music singing at the top of my lungs. Loving everything about life, how beautiful Hawaii was everyday, green trees, colorful flowers, blue skies and sparkling ocean water. And pulling up to the booth and saying hi to all the Aloha greeters. Ahhhh, such fun times. I really enjoyed being able to go surf for an hour or two before going into work too, nothing like a little ocean water to balance you out before a day of giving massages to a bunch of rich ungreatful snobs (some of the time) mostly they weren't too bad. the big "groups" like AIG were the WORST! bunch of ungreatful theives! haha. The best part of closing the Spa was playing after ;) Steam rooms, waxing, makeup, painting toenails! hehe. Hey! When your boss tells you you can't leave because you're the only female therapist even though you have no appointments, what are we supposed to do! I usually clocked out. Anyways, I hope I don't get in trouble for that...
Hawaii was a great place for me to get to grow up and learn a lot about myself and who I am. I learned who I definitely DIDN'T want to be... thank you Kaili... and I gained experience with good friends and most of all I had my first love. Super long story, but man did that boy put up with a lot. He still does. Bopper will always be the biggest part of my growing up journey.
What else... I learned about being healthy, through healthy eating(some organic and raw), (and there was some bad eating too) Like the time Kaili and I went to my house and ate every peice of fruit we could find with frutia dipping chocolate! like three jars of it!) workouts with Tara, kickboxing, Bobby's class on thursdays, yoga, "stress" relief with Jen, :) and all sorts of things. Really it was just nice to get to have all those years to just worry about me. Just me being my only responsibility. My selfish years. Cause now it's no longer about me alone anymore. yay! Once I get the little guy here we'll get settled back into a good routine, get some cash inflow going and go from there.
Some future plans definitely include going to Costa Rica. I really want to go work at Kelea Surf Spa there. and maybe even doing it in Hawaii for another Season. we'll see... 1st priority is Killian, if he's not a happy traveler we may have a problem, if he's good then first priority is getting funds to go to all these places. Good thing is they're not total vacations, it's a business trip!
Anyways, those are some of the thoughts in my head. One thing I have been trying to learn is to do things with a little more preparation than in the past, but I still like to be spontaneous! If I meet some amazing guy I'll know he's the one if he's down for all the travels :) otherwise... sorry buddy.

6AM posts...

2010-07-05T06:51:00.000-07:00

Okay, alright already, stop buggin' me I'll try this blogging thing again.
Honestly I prefer to write things on facebook to friends individually cause I know who's reading what and I don't upset anybody by things I say. So here is my disclaimer... what I write is what I write. I will never post anything that is intentionally hurtful so if you don't like it then don't read it.
I guess that's my biggest fear with blogging is what are people gonna think about what I write or post or put on here. I've decided to not care and this will just be my little "public journal". Probably mostly for the upcoming months of no sleep, early morning feedings, diaper changes, crying and who knows what. Oh, and one more thing, I'm terrible at spelling, grahamar, run on sentences, punctuation and leaving the Caps Lock on for sentences at a time. I'll do my best but I may just look at it and not change it or not even notice it! but back to what I was saying... Yes I'm having my baby boy in September, Well hopefully august. There are ZERO August birthdays in my family that consists of seven kids and currently eleven grandkids. I'm not positive on extended fam but I think out of eighteen people it seems kinda strange. So I'm gonna shoot for August. and even though it probably won't happen I honestly have had the date set at August 28th in my head since I found out about the little bugger. I'll tell that story another time.
Alot has been going on in my life since my last post which was I think a year ago. I think that last time I wrote I was newly single and was planning my summer vacation around the world. World turned into Bali, and then I threw in some fun stops along the way in Korea to see my brother and meet Sang Mi, and a couple 24hr layovers in Taiwan and Kuala Lumpur so I could get a couple more stamps in the passport and see some quick highlights of the cities. This is where I struggle a bit. I want to put photos up for yall so I need to learn how to throw them inbetween the writing where I want them. Next posts will be individual countries with photos I promise! So then after the most amazing Trip was over and I was back in Hawaii I decided to try a new home. I moved to Colorado Springs. Ugh... not the best choice of my life so far. Hopefully I'll be more prayerful next time and less stubborn. I really hoped things were going to just flow there and they didn't mostly due to my lack of planning and preparation. But had I not gone there I may still be in Hawaii really not going anywhere in life. I love Hawaii but I think it's turned into a place for me to visit. I will always love the time I lived there with all my heart but it changed so much and so fast. It went from a summer vacation with my girls from high school to where I was going to massage school (and never getting to surf) To where I worked my a$$ off to afford rent, where I met my first love and some of the funnest friends I've ever had, to a place that was no longer my 1960's surf poster of Gidget and little grass shacks and pina coladas. It became something else sadly. I always wanted to just have a simple life there but it's almost impossible now with all the people crowding the North Shore and HUGE outragious surf scene, all the dumb pro's that ruin it more than they think they do and way to much drama for my little paradise. I can see going back there in a few years and not even recognizing the place. I'm not saying I don't think it's an amazing place, because it is. I just got caught up in too many things. I would love to do it all over again tomorrow and make some changes but I'll just have to wait. Okay so after the move to Colorado Springs (which I'll post on later) I just wanted to go home. At first I felt that was Hawaii for me. I needed to see my friends and my beaches and get in the ocean to wash the stink and the tears and the heartbreak off from Colorado. Once again I should have had a little more of a plan than I did but I was just happy to back. I had a little job doing massage and I made enough to live on but not enough for rent. Being pregnant I knew I was going to need some help. But I 'm not one to ask for it. I like to do things for myself. always have. So I just struggled and waited to the last minute, got on a plane, made a quick stop in California to see a best friend, and HERE I AM! In Arizona. I am very happy now. But I was scared at first. I feel like my life is back at ground zero. Like I just graduated high school and have nothing! It sucks. But it's part of a necessary pride cycle for me I suppose. I'm still trying to be okay with it. But the best part is that it's been more fun and uplifting and inspiring than I imagined it would be. The last few years in Hawaii I was searching for something, peace, balance, spirituality, knowledge, experience. I don't know. but now that I'm back at my roots, It feels like those things are just a natural part of life. I don't have to look for anything. It's right here. I love my family and they love me more than I realized. Not sure why I ever questioned it. But I know that no matter who I am or what I do they will always be there. Cause I feel the same way about them.
Wow that was a quick recap of the last five years. Believe me a lot more went on in there so I have some memory lane blogging to do. I'm sure there will be time ;)

I love this picture :)

2009-03-13T19:40:00.000-07:00

Facebook | Photos of You

Pictures!

2009-03-11T21:18:00.000-07:00

I have a ton of photos on my facebook page but since not everyone has a facebook (you should!) I need to keep my blog updated.

this is my friend jeannie she lives in New York.

Tara and I at the Beach
She's my drop dead gorgeous girlfriend, Love her to pieces!!!!
Jen .... me in ten years (maybe) we are like sisters!the very beautiful Kaili
And the most current photo of me. this was like two months ago. I'll take some more.
Not a very flattering picture of any of us :) hahahaHalloween was pretty fun!
And my love who I miss very much in my life :(

Life has been very interesting over the last six months. Went through a break-up that seems like it will never end. Made some amazing friends that will last forever. can't wait to see what the next six months bring on!!!!!! I'm preparing to go to Bali Indonesia which should be amazing. And the Family Reunion in Minneosta!!! yeah!!! I'll try to keep ya posted!

TITLE (not very creative I know)

2009-02-05T15:39:00.000-07:00

So, I guess I should update my life a little for all you folks back home. I've been trying to get myself back into really good shape. I wanna beat Digger up in May, (yeah them is fighting words!) Just kidding. I went to a kick boxing class yesterday and I've been doing Yoga a few times a week in class form so it way harder. I've also been walking the beach a lot!!! Lot's more free time lately :) although work has been slow. that's not a good thing for me. but life shouldn't be all about work! I'm enjoying living in paradise instead of missing it because I'm always inside or working. I guess I don;t really have too much to report other than I'm happy and healthy! which is very good. and it's one in the afternoon and I can't type on this blog anymore because I want to go outside. sorry. TTYL!

I LOVE SURFING SOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-02-02T03:06:00.000-07:00

I am so thankful for my girlfriend Tara who is motivating (and I'm motivating her) to get healthy again and start surfing all the time!!!!! Being single is the bomb!!! I'm thankful for all I learned but I LOVE not being stressed out. :)

Why doesn't enyone come visit Hawaii??

2009-01-29T12:28:00.000-07:00

I know that there are a few of you who have but shame on everyone who hasn't made it out to Hawaii while i've lived here for almost 4 YEARS!!!

What's going on?

2008-09-26T14:20:00.000-07:00

Well, I am probably the worst blogger ever, I never write or post and I've been bad at making phone calls as well. But here's a mini update, I'm gonna go and write on the family blog in a minute. So I'm trying to be a lot more healthy and fit. I went to an abs class yesterday and I can feel all my obliques and serattus muscles everytime I move. The class is called Bobbies Bodies, She's like a drill sargent she yells at us and startles us so bad sometimes you're scarred she might call out your name if you don't step it up. Bopper and I walked on the beach for a mile and got a nice leg work out in the sand for a bit. So I'm working out! yeah! trying to eat better. It's really hard when your poor and pizza is more affordable than spinach and organic food and . Really I think we are just in a bad eating habit. We need to eat more veggies and less meat. I really try and eat as vegitarian as possible. After ready the book Skinny B***h (censored) I never want to eat unhealthy but it's like I have to re-read it to keep myself in check. But as long as we make good choices everyday that's progress
Oh yeah I got my hair cut! it really cute. it's a bob that sits on my shoulders and flips out with really nice highlights and a coffee colored brown for most of it, I style it later and load a picture.
I'm still working on getting motivated to get a private massage and esthetics clientele, it just takes time and thought. Well Maybe I'll go get cracking on that! Love yall!

DONTCHA KNOW!

2008-07-20T11:12:00.000-07:00

I am in MINNESOTA! Quite fun actually. and it was really nice to get away from all the drama of my eviction. Yup lame lame lame I had to move out of my super cute house that I just gone done painting and decorating and all that crap. I had to move because the loser that I was subleting from wasn't paying the rent to the land lords. ASSHOLE! sorry for the emphasis! but I got lucky and I moved into a new place two days before I came on vacation but at least my stuff is somewhere and safe. I was really stressed out and weepy for a while but Bopper was really helpful and suportive and I couldn't have done it with out him and all of our friends that helped out. Trucks and storage and lifting of furnature. I was such a mess. But I am going to try and get my deposit back amlicably from the loser and if not I'm going to small claims court and getting ALL my money back! so for his sake he'd better just give me the $800 or I'll be asking for the full $2200 he stole! I'm being nice to this dick! I can't believe it! Any who. like I said it's nice to be away to regroup and refocus on school. I wasn't all there last week but I only have 6 weeks left after I get home!
I'll be right back!

I'm gonna be better at Bloging!

2008-07-03T01:04:00.000-07:00

I know I know I'm terrible. I never write anything. I think that I talk about all my issues so much with so many friend here that I get it all out before I come and vent on my blog. I guess I feel like that is what a blog is. Venting space. Whether it's great news or bad someones got something fun to tell and they haven't told enough people or anyone at all. I just avoid the computer because I get sucked into typing any clicking around for HOURS! And I just don't have that time to kill sometimes!
Especially since I am in School! I don't know if you all know but I am becoming an esthetician! I go to a school called Makana Academy. www.makanaacademy.com . Check it out! But I am having so much fun. I am learning facials, waxing, make-up, medical esthetics (chemical peels and microdermabrasion) stuff like that. But it's the best program. Only being 15 weeks it's just like a mini skirt. Long enough to cover the subject but short enough to keep you interested! haha. Only I am into this one for life! With my massage license I think with a couple years experience I'll be set to go on opening my own spa. I have tonz of friends that want to do it here, but I can't quite settle on it just yet. I have a few things I have to do before I can feel content standing still. but it'll come one day. I am still pationate about music for all those wondering I'm just being 22 and killing time till the judges will respect me. I have how they bash on the youngins but they are right, when your 21 and not commited to anything yet, you may just need some time! So maybe this summer I can sneak away to an American Idol Audition. they're coming up. But I do have my Survivor Application all filled out too. I just need to make a video. Well, E Ho Mai Na Kapuna O' Hawai'i Aloha Eh!
Bri~

Bad News!

2008-04-21T17:11:00.000-07:00

I have some yucky news! So with the rising cost of gas as we all know sucks! I don't think I am going to make it home in May. Which I am so upset about. Plus being out of work from my stupid arm sprain I can't make as much money right now. . The tickets are seriously over eight hundred dollars! And Bopper and I can't afford that. What we may do is in August for our second Anniversary were already planning a trip to Las Vegas with some friends that have this time share deal and maybe we can drive to Arizona afterwards and visit then. I know this sucks for everyone that was itchin' to meet Bops but I promise we will get there. For now I'm just so stoked on my house. I think I want to do interiour design at some point in my life . O kay so here is a spur of the moment life plan.

Finish playing in Hawaii maybe another year or two,
Move to somewhere where Bopper can get a better chef job hopefully CALIFORNIA,
mostly because I never want to not be able to surf everyday if I want to,
He'll probably go to culinary school there and I want to go to design school and I want to get a singing agent at the same time, Sing to make money while I'm in school.
Then After I become a celebrity I make millions of dollars and pay for Bopper to open his own Retaurant that I will Also manage and work at because I want to go to culinary school too. And I will also use my money to buy old houses and fix them and decorate and design and Sell And that is When I will make my real investment money and Bopper and I can travel with our kids all over the world and Learn about culture and Adventure!

Okay that sounds so crazy but so many thoughts entered my mind all at the same time I was flabergasted!
Well I am going to go by lunch and then go see a movie!

SOME STUFF

2008-04-11T18:02:00.000-07:00

This is half of my backyard
Th computer corner
The front of the house
My sprained wristWaimea bay

My new room

My bathroom

The other side

My Living room painted Log Cabin (brown) Kitchen in Cranberry

The old Living room

Old bedroom
Old Bathroom
The other side

So I moved into a new place that I am very excited about. I have worked very hard to make it nice and my own space! I love it. Bopper and I put some hard work in But I definately did more. I stayed up all night painting and Got the whole thing pretty much done. I did my own head board shabby chic, and I organized everything. luckily I had a little accident at the company party last Thursday and sprained my wrist, got some much needed time off and some time to work on my place. I do miss work though, I went to a meeting yesterday and stayed like two hours longer just because I missed being there. I really love my job. So I can't wait for the sprain to heal. Oh I can't describe how glad I am to not have roommates! I've had over thrity roommates since High School maybe more, so I think I put in my time. I think I am the hard one to live with. Sorry Alecia and Brit for that crappy summer, :( . Oh and I got my taxes back I got like $800 back I was happy with that. I was going to have to pay that amount when I went to H& R Block. They suck. Janelly, I loved the Office Bopper and I are huge fans, I do miss 24 Right now thoug. AI was really good too. I finally got cable again so I am back in the loop. But I need to go I have some errand and a bunch of bills to pay!

Just like the others,

2008-03-23T22:28:00.000-07:00

Just like all previous New Year Resolutions! I have slacked. I am so sorry Janel I know you Are busy so blogging is a great way to keep track. I just get lazy. I have been watching Survivor Seasons and I get brainwashed. I don't have TV right now so I don't see all the cool shows. But I am getting it soon. I have to watch The Office when it starts airing. But What blessing am I suposed to be on right now? I think Like #41 So I have Six to do!
1.(46)Education
2.(45)Passion For my Job
3.(44)Being an American
4.(43)Ability to Relax
5.(42)Love of Learning
6.(41)Flexible Personality
Okay so those All add up to...
I am so glad that I have my job and I had the motivation to take the bus everyday to downtown Oahu from the North Shore,(alecia and brittany know it can suck), But I was able to study and get things done. I am definately a planner but I don't get High strung like some people so I know to take a deep breath and say a little prayer and my day will turn around. It's really a blessing to be able to do this. Plus I deal with all sorts of people, as we all do, We all have different views on the world and opinions of how things should be done but I listen to all my friends and collegues and we are adults. And I am so greatful I am an American, Even though I hate the conspiracies of our leaders and The greed that runs The Powerhouse Called Washington D.C. I am still great ful to be in this country. All the illegals that are in fear everyday and Even those with legal visas and green cards still hold fear in the back of their mind that they may be deported or "caught" or told on by a hater. I am just thankful for that abscense of fear.
I' m not sure if that all made sense but whatever. I tried. And now I am "caught up" six weeks late but current. haha.

So I colored my hair. I wanted some red in it to make it stand out, and oh boy is it! Big 'ol rED/Pink/maroon streaks. But I like it after a couple of days. I thought I would get in trouble at work today but my boss just told me that she liked it and gave me a really nice present. She said I work really hard and I deserved it. She got me this cool Eminence thing. It's a tube of seven different products. Which is so awesome. If she's trying to make me like her it's totally working. Even though I already liked her. But now, I know this is a little disturbing, I think she likes me. She is a lesbian! eeeew. But she's married so she shouldn't be flirting like this! haha J/K I really hope shes not. But she keep doing nice things for me and she gave me a really good personal review and I don't know whats going on. I'll just say that she is really nice and Appreciates all that I do at my job.

I am also looking into a new place to live. I think it may happen soon But I have to wait on several other people to do their thing before it gets around to me.
Bopper and I can't wait to come home for a visit! He's going to go to PA for ten days and then come to Az for like 5 It's going to be awesome! I hope everyone in the family does a really nice job of welcoming him and making him feel appreciated, Like we have all done for everyone else. I don't want any negative energy puking on this very special moment for us. We are both nervous and excited as it is so I trust everyone to treat us with the same repect we've all been treated, Except for Kristy. She was fake and kinda put it on herself. But I don't like the way we have talked about her behind her back since the day she became Jasons girlfriend. I truly believe that things could have been different for them if we could have exercised our ability to use the law or attraction. aka"the secret". So once again I know everyone will be kind and loving toward bopper. I love him and I know that you all love me and will see what a great man he is and how imoprtant he is to me. So ahead of time, THANKS! Okay now I am going to take a nap because I did five Easter Day Massages, and I didn't get to go to church and I wanted to and I'm a little cranky about that.
I hipe you all had a lovely day!
Happy Easter

fourty-seven/ v-day

2008-02-13T17:32:00.000-07:00

My number fourty seven blessing of the year is my superficial things. I'm really greatful to have the things i need to keep me entertained and comfortable. I don;t know if I should really use that as a blessing but I'm gonna.

One thing I am very ungrateful for right now is my cold! I feel terrible and I want to cry every time I cough. It sucks. But oh well. I feel bad Valentines is tomorrow, I hope I feel better. I have to work a double shift too. lame. But it's alright cause Bopper works anyways. So at least I'll be at work with him.

Sometimes I really don't like 'ol V-day. I feel obligated to get a great gift but I really just don' t have the money so I feel like I'm not doing enough. but Bops knows I love him so what ever cupid I'm not spending any money on you this year.

LATE #48

2008-02-04T16:36:00.000-07:00

#48 , So I'm a little late,
but my number 48 blessing is going to be Hawaii. I have learned so much out here, and it really has been a blessing to me. But unfortunately it is very far from home and I really wish everyone would just move out here and be with me. Any ways I am not in the biggest writting mood so I am gonna have to keep this one short.

Brittany W. if you wish to contact me with your blogger access info. write to my new e-mail. http://brianna_derusha808@hotmail.com

count your blessings

2008-01-27T03:33:00.000-07:00

So I am so excited! My #49 blessing is that Bopper is so understanding and sweet. And not just that he is so in live with me! We are going to go to church together tomorrow morning! He's getting his clothes ready now and I am so wow excited!!! Pray for me Janel! But that is definately my blessing for today!

I went out to dinner tonight with a couple of friends from work and it was so nice to sit and talk to some new friends and to hear some funny stories! And I learned that I am not as wierd as I thought I was. I don't have that many close friends anymore so I don't get to hear a lot of similar situations to my own when it comes to dating and my life out here in Hawaii is hard to compare to old friends and others. So it was nice to know that Iam in the same boat with a lot of people.
Anywho, I need some sleep!
Aloha

My 52 Blessings

2008-01-20T03:15:00.000-07:00

So I totally love that idea of a blessing per week for the whole year. Cause today I actually journaled an entry today to myself. Just giving a shout out to me for me. A very positive thing to do I might add. SItting down a writing to yourself about how much you love yourself and reminding yourself of who you are and of all of your qualities really makes you feel more positive.

So my number #52 blessing is going to be my love for journaling. I am very fortunate to enjoy this. Some people don't and it is kind of sad. I will always have a small door to open and look back and reflect on different times in my life because I write quite a bit of my life down.

And since it is already the 20th of January, we are two weeks behind on our 52 weeks.

#51 My job. I worked very hard to get to where I am. And there is still so much to be accomplished. When I moved to Hawaii I had this dream of being a bum and working as who knows! But I am blessed that I got the courage and the determination to get on the stupid bus every morning and take a two hour comute to school. And the to take it back and go straight to work as a busser in a restraunt for Seven months! Until I became a waitress for the last three months. (Which is when I met Bops!) The Job I have now is the one I said to myself when I started school, and my busser job, Brianna! I want to get my massage therapy liscence and transfer to the spa and Turtle Bay Resort! And look at me Two years and like three months later! Go Job!

#50 My health. Obviously my blessings are in no specific order, cause this would be close to the top, But I have been so blessed, to always have good health. Besides a cold every winter and a few strep throghts and a few little sufing accidents, I have been so lucky to not have any serious health obsticles or injuries in my life. But I am sure that if I did, knock on wood, I would be able to over come the obsticles and still be who I am.

So there are my first three, instalments. I can't wait to really take a look at all of my blessings throughout the year, and see how life will change and grow!

Thanks Janel!

happy!

2008-01-16T02:43:00.000-07:00

I love going to the gym. It makes me so happy. And you know what else makes me happy, Eating and Sleeping. Bopper says as long as he keeps me fed and I sleep good he has a happy girlfriend. haha. But I am so glad I went to the gym. I did a yoga class that was kind of lame but then I had a really fun hip hop dance class. I got the steps and had a lot of fun. The teacher was really fun too. Really pretty, but really heavy. At first I was kinda judgemental, but I slapped myself for that, and I was suprised how well she taught! And she was very confident. I had fun, I'll probably go every week now. And Bopper and I are going tomorrow morning and I am going to the Kick Boxing class. Unfortunately I haven't been going to Jujitsu because I am nervous I'll get hurt and I need my whole body for my job. Massage Therapists kind of need unbroken arms and legs. And I just heard so many scarry stories about injuries, I was a bit freaked out. But I bought the stupid uniform so I am eventually going to get into something that needs a gi when I am not a working therapist. Maybe just karate. I know I am going to get my kids in it if I can. It's such a cool thing to know how to do. Well I'm gonna sleepies now!

I hate writing a title!

2008-01-12T15:52:00.000-07:00

I don't know why but I am so cranky today. Bopper called me a spoiled brat this morning and I have not recovered from it! I think it is so rude to say that! I guess on a some (alot) of levels I am really spoiled and I know that I can be a pain but still! But He's just a bit cranky too because he's stopped drinking. Which is really good, but I think he get a bit moodier now when I have to nag a little to remind him. But I am so proud of him for coming to me and owning up to his problem and telling me that he wanted to stop. He's doing really well with it so far. Well Iam going to go apologize and make things all better.

Lazy Breezy in Hawaii!!!

2008-01-06T02:23:00.000-07:00

So I am the worst. It's been weeks since I updated. But Janelly you've been so good! Life looks like so much fun for you and all the kids. You have such a cute family and you are so fun and creative! My latest news is that I got the carpets cleaned in my gross apartment. Well Not so gross anymore! I cleaned it up pretty good but I can't wait to not have roommates and take a break and live alone. Well then I guess the kids will come so then I'll have to deal with it all over again. At least I've had some practice with the patience, But I;ll be able to yell at my kids and make them put there own crap away. Can't do that so much with roommates! haha. But things are good otherwise.

Work has been crazy busy and I'm afraid I got a little burned. But I had Wednesday off and Today. Plus I treated myself to a massage and a facial on Thursday. Those were nice. I worked over 70 hours last payperiod (two weeks) and I think in that I did 35+ massages. So I was due for one. But it'll be worth it since I didn't get paid while I was out of town! Yeah I have less that one hundred dollars in my account right now. it's pretty much the worst feeling thinking checks are gonna bounce if I don't deposit my check on Monday! but I am gonna have to run because the bank closes at 4 and I don't finish till 3! and I live 30 min away but traffic can add 20 min! it's gonna be a close call.

You'll bee excited about this one. Bopper and I were talking about what we want in our relationship and I expressed how I want to move home really bad. And he's willing to come with me! He wants to visit for sure first but were coming in May so it'll still be cool right? And then we probably won't come till after the summer so he won't have to feel it. But I keep those thoughts to myself. He hates the heat. he sweats way too much! But just that we are talking about the " m" word makes me so happy. But he also said give him some time before he "runs off to become a mormon" haha. I thought it was cute. But he is really showing an effort to be better and start learning. I don't think that process can really happen till were on the mainland. It's just too hard here. I know that sound lame but it's true. The spirit that I felt when I was home in Thatcher is so much different than out here.

More news you are going to love Janelly! I have been starting up again on singing. I really want to get back to the mainland so I can get an agent and start getting serious about it! yeah! I'll write more on this later.

Well I'm going to sleepies because unfortunately I work tomorrow. Have a nice Sunday. And say Hi to the Kiddies for me. oh and did Mark like hiss candy I brought?
goodnight.
Breezy

I know I am so lame!

2007-12-24T23:47:00.000-07:00

It's been over a month and I havent blogged anything! how sad. But Things are going well i suppose. I had a really wonderful trip home to see my family and I met my wonderful boyfriends family and they were awesome! And now it's Christmas eve and I am excited. I do wish I was home with my family though. But I'll see them soon I hope. Anyways I am gonna go rest I worked hard today and I have to work hard tomorrow.

Ju Jitsu!

2007-11-17T00:02:00.000-07:00

I went to Ju Jitsu class last night and it was so fun!!! I'm pretty fighsty! haha. But man I am sore! Plus Yesterday I went surfing with Bopper and Jim at "the spot" and it sucked! Kicked my butt, scary, huge not my favorite day in the water. I paddled like crazy toget out passed the mean shore break and then trying to get into these waves was impossible! I need a new surf board is my problem. Thats what I asked bopper for Christmas! beside the fact that I'm going to PA with him and he's gonna take care of me there, I feel like I'm so needy sometimes! I think I'm too independent sometimes and It's good to let someone do things for you.

So I got this client at the spa. She's has a ton of health problems, She had a Brain Tumor, Has a metal bar replacing her Rt. Femur from a car accident, Arthritis in her hip, And Sciatica.!!!! She's a mess. Plus she has vicodine when she wants it and I think she's been on pain meds since the cancer so maybe thirty + yrs on pain meds. But she absolutley loves me! I guess she's been coming to the spa for years and she's been with all the therapists. But I am the only one that she's ever requested to have a second time! And not just one more but I believe she booked seven more with me for the remainder of her trip which is up to the day before my trip! And so that means my prayers were answered! She gets a two hour hot stone massage Which is already $240 bucks! And she tips me on top! Today it was 35 extra! Do the math! 8 massages! times 300! She's loaded! And she doesn't just get massages she gets her hair done and nails and pedicures, waxing! and a facial! She's awesome! That's how I'd spend my money if I had tons of it too! Well first I'd take care of my debt and go to nursing school! But then It would be Spa day four times a month. And she was a high school french teacher?? for 24 years half at two different schools. Maybe the Ten year thing? But she told me she thinks I should be a doctor! And I told her I want to go to nursing school I just can't work and Afford it . Maybe she'll hook me up one day! She's already told me she's coming back in April for a month and She's going to book me up again! Such a blessing. But her massages are not easy! I have to help her every step of the way due to all of the health problems she needs a wheel chair right now and then a walker for short distances. But I help pick her legs up on the table and I undress her and the last two massages she's needed to go to the bathroom half way through! So I have to redress her then undress her again. And she's not a small woman like 68 yrs old , and she's in a lot of pain too. But we are going to get her using only the walker by the end of her trip I told her. I love working with a repeat client like this. Cause I see real results from something that I do with my hands! I feel very blessed to have this talent of healing and helping people feel better. Anyways I love her already and I can't wait to she her again.

Hey let me know what you think of my blog Janelly! I've been working hard on it lately. It's what I do on my days off! haha.

Why !

2007-11-14T13:24:00.000-07:00

How come some mornings you wake up and you are in a good mood and then others you wake up in a bad mood? And then even sometimes I wake uo happy and someone makes me mad with just a look or an unspoken word that I want or any of thise rediculous reasons? I don't know if anyone out there that may happen to read this knows anything about dreams and what happens to our mind and mood while we sleep but I'd love to know why I go to sleep super happy and then wake up miserable! it's just a thought. And as you can probably tell this happened to me today and it was super annoying to me and I had to get it off my chest!

But anywho I' am getting so excited for my little trip! I get to see everyone and have Thanksgiviing with my family yeah! And then I am going to meet another family! So much fun to get to feel family stuff for a while. I miss it sometimes out here. I used to go see this really cute family all the time but now I live too far away to justify driving over an hour. Actually that not true I'd do the drive but I haven't called them in about a year I think it's been so I'm sort of shameful about the whole thing.

I really want to get motivated to start working out! I guess I just have to do it! my friend junior and I are going to do an all day run on Thanksgiving I think were gonna runn from Laie to Waialua. Actually it can't be thanksgiving day I work but the Saturday following. It's a marathon run! almost 26 miles I believe. I'm scarred but he says he runs slow and we'll stop five times. IT'S A DEATH RUN! But I need to do it. Actually I'm gonna go run right now and then I'm gonna swim before I go to work!!!1 I gotta go!!!

excited for the holidays?

2007-11-09T01:00:00.000-07:00

I know this may sound hum-buggish but sometimes I don't get excited anymore! It makes me sad. I miss getting on top of the bookshelf with my mom and taking down the previous decorations wiping them down and arranging the new ones! man she had thousands of them. Looking back at all of the stuff I did no matter I feel like all of my childhood and young teen years flew by! I was a busy girl. I sit alone sometimes after work or on my day off and I don't have that many friends any more and I get so confused by time. How much there seems to be but it goes by so fast and I really wish that I knew how to enjoy it better sometimes. All I seem to worry about these days is money and bills. I am so excited to come home this holiday season to get a taste of the cold and a real bite in the armpit with it when I go back east to meet my boyfriends family. I want to smell the cold and the seasons and I wish I could have smelt october. You have no clue until you don't have it. The smell that is. And all the cute families around me make me miss my cute cute neices and nefews and I hate that I hardly know my brothers baby boy and I won't see the new one until may. so he'll be four months. Well I know that one day I will have my own and I will be closer to everyone and things will be wonderful. I can't wait to come home!!!!!! I get to see one of my best friends babies too! Alecia Adamson had Parker about two months ago and I will get to see him. So stoked!

I saw an old friend today. And it was not all that seeing old friends is supposed to be like. Claire. I met her when I came out in the summer for vacation and we were best friends. We surfed everyday and we met our boyfriends and everything was fun. But because of that friend ship I sort of hurt some other friends and a lot of things happened and changed in my life because of how influensed I was by her. You know your always taught to have good friends. And it doesn't mean that you will always find good friends in good places. You may find bad friends iin good places that seem to have the same life as you and they will be be there for you and really this particular friend turned out to turn me for a while to the wrong person. And i moved back to hawaii to be with her and she abandoned me. so sad. I thought she wanted me to come back so we could pick up where we left off but she ended up kicking me out and I was literally on the beach for a night! no one has ever known this! so don't tell! But I was taken in by some great people and they really helped me out. I was to commited to living on my own away from home that I couldn't go home so I stuck it out and now look at me! I have a great job I put myself through school I visit home and pay for my own vacations and I bought a brand new car and I pay rent and I sometimes look back and I'm thankful to her for ditching me. So when I saw her today I didn't have any of the old hatful feelings. I just felt nothing but memories of her. I have no interest in haging out with her but I would like to say out loud Thank you Claire! You suck!

But anyways back to the holidays. One day I am going to have all the decorations that sit all year long and then I bust 'em out and decorate like crazy in my beautiful home some where. Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas!

Belated Birthdays and Christmas!

2007-10-29T17:41:00.000-07:00

Hey yall, (janel)haha,
Your probably the only one who reads this, haha, I was wondering about some gifts for the kids, do they have "Surfs up" the movie? yet. and what would you like? let me know.
bri

by the way

2007-10-28T19:02:00.000-07:00

The dates on all of my dropshots photos are totally not right. Some of the pictures I took like two days a go said they were taken in 2005! haha.

hewp meeee!

2007-10-27T20:16:00.000-07:00

This one is for Janel,
I love your blog and I want to do all the cute stuff too. Like the music and wishlist and all the URL stuff I don't know what I'm doing. call me when you have some time tonight and maybe you could help me. I know I should call you but for some reason your number isn't on my phone? ??? when you get a chance. Love ya
Brianna

DropShots.com/Brianna808

2007-10-27T19:52:00.000-07:00

DropShots.com/Brianna808

I hate when that happens!!!!!!

2007-10-26T01:10:00.000-07:00

I just wrote a super long post and I went to publish and I wasn't connected, so I was going to copy paste and I freaking erased the whole thing!!!!! grrrrrrrrr. THAT BITES! Well here it goes again!

So today at work, Normally I do massages but today I played attendent. And believe me it will not happen often. I got to work around quarter to nine, and the dirty linen bin was OVER FLOWING, with sheets, wet towels, gross. So it takes me two trips to laundry to unload and seperate all these nasty wet, towels and sheets, plus i also do the salon linen, full of color and bleach and pineapple goo from the fancy pedis and manis, Janel, you'd love to work and this salon! And this is hard work this spa isn't a small one. so the other side of the job is all the clean linen. So I load this bin back up go up the elevator, down the hall and then down another elevator, (drama), and I get started on the folding. Mean time everyone is looking for something from me that they just can't do themselves like put more cups by the water. please, and this other girl even asked me if I would go check her clients scheduele. ??? and I did it. ?????? Well I get to lunch time and get a nice break with an all staff meeting that takes an hour, But when I come back I literally had to start all over again! a whole bin to unload and even more to pick up. plus I am keeping the locker rooms for the men and women clean and the fitness room too! But tomorrow I am back to massages I think I have like six tomorow! Wedding parties are so demanding all these drama brides and maids of honor need to chill out. I will be calm and cool at my wedding. none of this I'm more special than you crap. Everyone is not coming to your wedding so some people are still just living and doing there jobs. I have no clue where that just came from.

More exciting news, I am saving money for a super exciting trip. I am actually going to make it home around Christmas time this year! well closer to thanksgiving but. I am actually coming home on the day that I moved to Hawaii two years ago November 28 and then I will leave again two weeks later. haha. Actually one becasue the second half of my trip I will be visiting Waynnesburg Pennsylvania! I am going to meet Bopper's family. should be exciting. I may get to go deer hunting too. ?! haha funny story, my friend that is also from there that used to live in Hawaii heard I was coming to go hunt and he was like, "DON'T GIVE THAT GIRL A GUN!" haha so funny but he'd better run for the hills. ha.

Well i must get some sleep before tomorrow. Massage can be extremely draining and I've been so tight and sore lately. I need to get like a five hour massage, just keep bringing in different therapists. I need to do some yoga and eat better. Any one out there have some advice for modivation other than feeling better? haha. well now that I rewrote this whole thing I am going to do some visual dream surfing so I do good tomorrow, before I go to work. Aloha.

2007-10-23T23:56:00.000-07:00

Winter is here

2007-10-23T23:38:00.000-07:00

Finally the waves are here I am so stoked! Although it's a bit frustrating because I am not quite good enough yet to really get out in the big water, so I watch the big swells roll through and I go the day after when it's a LOT smaller.

Learning how to use this thing!

2007-02-09T16:46:00.000-07:00

I'm not quite sure who I'm going to be telling my life to and things about my self that are very personal. I just hope that no one will take advantage of the things I say. I don't want to be judged because I feel like I am enough already in my life. Well maybe I just judge myself too much and lie to everyone else. This is not good. I feel very exposed by writting on this thing but due to lack of people to talk to I guess this is what I am resorting to.