6AM posts...

Okay, alright already, stop buggin' me I'll try this blogging thing again.
Honestly I prefer to write things on facebook to friends individually cause I know who's reading what and I don't upset anybody by things I say. So here is my disclaimer... what I write is what I write. I will never post anything that is intentionally hurtful so if you don't like it then don't read it.
I guess that's my biggest fear with blogging is what are people gonna think about what I write or post or put on here. I've decided to not care and this will just be my little "public journal". Probably mostly for the upcoming months of no sleep, early morning feedings, diaper changes, crying and who knows what. Oh, and one more thing, I'm terrible at spelling, grahamar, run on sentences, punctuation and leaving the Caps Lock on for sentences at a time. I'll do my best but I may just look at it and not change it or not even notice it! but back to what I was saying... Yes I'm having my baby boy in September, Well hopefully august. There are ZERO August birthdays in my family that consists of seven kids and currently eleven grandkids. I'm not positive on extended fam but I think out of eighteen people it seems kinda strange. So I'm gonna shoot for August. and even though it probably won't happen I honestly have had the date set at August 28th in my head since I found out about the little bugger. I'll tell that story another time.
Alot has been going on in my life since my last post which was I think a year ago. I think that last time I wrote I was newly single and was planning my summer vacation around the world. World turned into Bali, and then I threw in some fun stops along the way in Korea to see my brother and meet Sang Mi, and a couple 24hr layovers in Taiwan and Kuala Lumpur so I could get a couple more stamps in the passport and see some quick highlights of the cities. This is where I struggle a bit. I want to put photos up for yall so I need to learn how to throw them inbetween the writing where I want them. Next posts will be individual countries with photos I promise! So then after the most amazing Trip was over and I was back in Hawaii I decided to try a new home. I moved to Colorado Springs. Ugh... not the best choice of my life so far. Hopefully I'll be more prayerful next time and less stubborn. I really hoped things were going to just flow there and they didn't mostly due to my lack of planning and preparation. But had I not gone there I may still be in Hawaii really not going anywhere in life. I love Hawaii but I think it's turned into a place for me to visit. I will always love the time I lived there with all my heart but it changed so much and so fast. It went from a summer vacation with my girls from high school to where I was going to massage school (and never getting to surf) To where I worked my a$$ off to afford rent, where I met my first love and some of the funnest friends I've ever had, to a place that was no longer my 1960's surf poster of Gidget and little grass shacks and pina coladas. It became something else sadly. I always wanted to just have a simple life there but it's almost impossible now with all the people crowding the North Shore and HUGE outragious surf scene, all the dumb pro's that ruin it more than they think they do and way to much drama for my little paradise. I can see going back there in a few years and not even recognizing the place. I'm not saying I don't think it's an amazing place, because it is. I just got caught up in too many things. I would love to do it all over again tomorrow and make some changes but I'll just have to wait. Okay so after the move to Colorado Springs (which I'll post on later) I just wanted to go home. At first I felt that was Hawaii for me. I needed to see my friends and my beaches and get in the ocean to wash the stink and the tears and the heartbreak off from Colorado. Once again I should have had a little more of a plan than I did but I was just happy to back. I had a little job doing massage and I made enough to live on but not enough for rent. Being pregnant I knew I was going to need some help. But I 'm not one to ask for it. I like to do things for myself. always have. So I just struggled and waited to the last minute, got on a plane, made a quick stop in California to see a best friend, and HERE I AM! In Arizona. I am very happy now. But I was scared at first. I feel like my life is back at ground zero. Like I just graduated high school and have nothing! It sucks. But it's part of a necessary pride cycle for me I suppose. I'm still trying to be okay with it. But the best part is that it's been more fun and uplifting and inspiring than I imagined it would be. The last few years in Hawaii I was searching for something, peace, balance, spirituality, knowledge, experience. I don't know. but now that I'm back at my roots, It feels like those things are just a natural part of life. I don't have to look for anything. It's right here. I love my family and they love me more than I realized. Not sure why I ever questioned it. But I know that no matter who I am or what I do they will always be there. Cause I feel the same way about them.
Wow that was a quick recap of the last five years. Believe me a lot more went on in there so I have some memory lane blogging to do. I'm sure there will be time ;)