Hidden place to be myself.

I never post so I figure this can be a good place to vent my feelings at the moment. Right now I'm feeling like I've been completely let down. I thought I had something in my life that was incredible and couldn't be touched. Well I was wrong once again. Apparently I'm not that lucky. Turns out I am just like everyone else in this world and I have to deal with disappointment. Tonight my disappointment is in myself. And in my partner but I'm trying to be the bigger person here and claim the responsibility for things going to crap. I am a dreamer. I am a planning, itinerary, organization loving freak! I like to speculate how things are going to turn out and I like to dream about my future home and life and accomplishment. Big and small. This is something that no guy I've ever dated has liked about me. I'm not trying to say that everything I want has to become a reality, but it will come into my life in some form or another. Let's say I want to have an all blue kitchen. I saw a picture of a kitchen in a magazine when I was like 14 and I LOVED this kitchen. I even cut it out and out it in a time capsule somewhere. At the time I probably didn't have any room for someone else's opinion on having a blue kitchen. Now having lived in a few places I realize having a completely blue kitchen would be a little bit dramatic and I've changed a lot of my ideas. What I'm trying to say is when I get an idea in my head it may seem at first that I set my ideas in stone. But I have learn a lot about compromise and that building something with someone is a lot more fun than doing it on your own. What do you do when the person you feel like you're supposed to love the most starts to make you feel like you're not good enough? unfortunately I know the answer to that question. I hope this ins't the case in this situation but I'm getting tired of apologizing for being myself. I'm a strong, stubborn, opinionated, controlling, moody, passionate, organization loving, planning obsessed dreamer! I love myself and everything about me. If you don't then beat it! and quit trying to change me or squash my dreams. I'm over it!